Exhausted and everything is going wrong

I’m having one of those lifetimes where I’m exhausted and everything seems to be going wrong. First struggling with the internet, then the television went wrong and now the freezer. Things happen in three’s, and does the internet count? I’m fearful for what is going to break next. Our plasma television is with the ‘Currys Know how’ team, two men took it away and didn’t put anything on it to protect it. Yes, their van did say ‘Know how’ so not two random men.

I’m sitting here, thinking about my issues, exhausted after doing the two-school run again, and I’ve just baked a birthday cake  for my husband’s birthday tomorrow.

I’ve been too tired to look at my novel. I’ve talked about it, but I haven’t turned on my laptop to write in days. I know the longer I leave it the harder it’s going to get. Its lovely when people appear interested in it, but it is one thing talking about it and another writing it.

My writing

I’m trying to get myself out of my writing funk, I’ve been sat here with my notebook. I had planned to write things down. At 75000 words I need to work out where the story is headed and where it is going to end. I feel like that the hill I’m climbing is getting ever steeper.

I’ve been asked what my protagonists’ journey is and how she has changed over the course of the book. I’m the author, I should know that answer, but instead I’m blank. I don’t know is not a good answer, I need to work it out, there is a lot I need to work out.

My reading

With feeling exhausted, my reading has fallen by the wayside. I’m still reading ‘GX Todd’s Hunted’ , I need to finish it as part 3 ‘Survivors’ is out at the end of the month. Life has been so busy that shutting myself away in a room with my book is not happening. As I’ve said before with my Kindle I can read in the dark, to the early hours, I can’t do this with a paperback.
Also, because my novel is Science fiction, I’m aware that I need to read more of the genre. To be honest I have read very little Science Fiction and it scares me when I hear real hardened Science Fiction experts tear apart a story.

The technicalities of time travel are unknown to me. My novel is not meant to be a satire, I want it to be believable, but how can it be believable when it involves time travel?  A friend said about hard Sci Fi and soft Sci FI, this is definitely soft Sci Fi. With a hard Sci Fi novel, I am completely confused by the technicalities, I’m lost when my lap top refuses to work, let alone understand fully about worm holes and time. I’m hoping that my readers will forgive this and just enjoy the book without it needing to be completely believable.

Life and children

Until you start to write a full-length novel you don’t appreciate what an awesome task it is and how mentally exhausting it is.

On top of the novel are my husband, our children, their reading and schoolwork, then my job and life. Yesterday I finished work late, then both children refused to read to daddy. It is no wonder that I am exhausted. My daughter then insisted on copying her reading book, word for word. It was good practice for her writing skills, but bad for my patience. 18.30 and I knew I still needed to hear my eight-year-old and eat dinner. 19.00 and the book was still not read, finally by 19.45 she had read it and I then had to sit with my son. Why are children so awkward? I’m pleased that they do both work hard and they did both read eventually but why make it all such a struggle?

Ways out of this spiral

1. Give up, call it a day and just go back to bed
2.  Shut out the family, lock the bedroom door and read
3. Ignore advice of other writers and keep writing

If these are not options

1. Try and stay positive, focus on how far you have come, rather then how far you have to go.
2.  Cuddle up with the family and enjoy them now. There is no race with the book, it will be written when you are ready.
3.  If you can, try and write something everyday. Whether it be your novel, notes for your novel, a blog post or short story.
4.  If you can, it is important to read (thought I am failing miserably at this.)  Books will help to fuel ideas for your writing.  Reading within the genre you are writing helps you to understand what is expected by readers of the genre.  It also gives you greater awareness of what has already been written.
5.  Don’t give up, keep writing and improving and one day you will get there.  If it takes years that is fine, there is no race.

Facebook live

Here are my Facebook lives from the last week.

Late blog post today – 1st October 2019

Today and new Ruby and Freda short story – 4th October 2019

Today

I have baked a chocolate cake for hubby’s birthday tomorrow. Again, no novel writing going on. I’m wondering when I will reach 80 000 words as right now, I seem to have ground to a halt.

I had the two school pick up today, I was grateful that one is 15.00 and the other is 16.00. Right now, exhaustion is taking over and I could really have done with more sleep rather than baking and being mum’s taxi.

Maybe tonight I might go to bed early, I think sleep would do me good.

For more see, The curse of self doubt, writing and children

Self-doubt, is it a curse?

Tuesday again and time is racing by. Trying to keep writing day after day I am now nagged by huge self-doubt. I’ve read about other writers doubting themselves, but right now I’m ripping apart my novel in my head and questioning my abilities.

Exhaustion is taking over and I’m learning the hard way. My steep learning curve feels like it is getting steeper. Being a complete novice here, I have so many questions but it appears there are no right answers.

The curse of self-doubt could bring a writer to a complete stop, I’m now trying to work through it.

So, what next?

Self-doubt is hard, there are few people in my real world who have read my work and said, wow. However, it could be argued that in the real world not many people have read my work. It is hard to keep things in perspective and keep self-doubt at bay. Trying to be positive when things feel so difficult, I’m at a point where negative feedback makes me cry. It is 75000 words of hard work, some of it I know is good, and some I already know will be deleted. It is also very easy to focus directly on the negative which is what I always do.

So, how do you get through this?

As a writer, all you can do is keep writing. Self-doubt can destroy you, and is why I haven’t added to my novel in days. My characters are currently buried in my head and laptop, and the world needs to read about them. I know that I need to keep writing but right now it feels a mess in my head. The story feels like it is evolving, and the more I think about it the greater it gets.

I’m now tempted to print it off and start retyping the whole story, trying to improve it on my second draft. However, my gut keeps telling me that I need to keep going forward until the story is actually finished.

Yes, as long as this takes, I need to work through self-doubt and keep typing. A word, a sentence at a time, the story will get written.

Staying positive

It is so important to try and stay positive, feedback can make me cry but I need to not let it upset me. People are generally trying to help, especially in the early stages of a novel which mine is.

Any advice here, fellow writers? How do you quieten self-doubt? How do you keep going when fear is nagging at you. I’m now thinking that I need to take a break, I’ve been advised that my characters will tell me how this novel ends. Worrying about it and doubting myself is not getting me very far. So now I need to relax and let them guide me, maybe time to make some notes and really consider where the story is going next, self-doubt helps nobody.

Facebook Live

Here are my Facebook lives from last week.

New blog post today – 24th September 2019

Today and blog poetry – 27th September 2019

Today

Sitting here now watching the ‘Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’, I know that I should be reading my book. Sat in my recliner, typing on my tablet, I’m comfortable drinking my tea.

My six year old started at a new school last Tuesday. I’m very proud of her, she is working hard and has already received a headteacher’s award.  We are now enjoying reading higher levels of ‘Biff, Chip, Kipper, and Floppy’. If you have small children, you will understand what I mean about the ‘magic key.’  I feel it makes the story more intriguing for small children and it makes me more interested too.

Driving to school this morning, the children were both reading, which was lovely. My son was reading about aliens and my daughter, ‘My little pony’. They were both quiet in the back so it was a nice calm journey.

Anyway, so I’m now going to go, but before I go, have you suffered self-doubt?  That little voice in your head that says that you can’t do it.  Trying to remain positive is not easy but it is important to keep going and try and work on through it.

For more see, Motivation, writing prompts and family